Hi, jenlit-san. sorry, the post before this, i was mistaken.

Thank you for taking the time to read my draft.
I really appreciated it.

To make it a little short and use few words, I want to make some changes.
I tried to leave out some redundancy.
What do you think? If you would respond to it, it'll be a enormous help to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
old:
The explosion of the Fukushima nuclear power plant added fuel to the tragedy.
new:
The explosion of the Fukushima nuclear power plant made things worse.

old:
I will never forget what happened last March; I will stand by them any
way I can. When I grow up and the time comes that I can, I ll do my
best to be a big help to those having a hard time in their lives.
new:
I will never forget what happened last March. When I grow up and the time comes,
I will stand by them any way I can to help those who are suffering.

sayo

Hi, Doug-san.

Thank you for taking the time to read my draft.
I really appreciated it.

To make it a little short and use few words, I want to make some changes.
I tried to leave out some redundancy.
What do you think? If you would respond to it, it'll be a enormous help to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
old:
The explosion of the Fukushima nuclear power plant added fuel to the tragedy.
new:
The explosion of the Fukushima nuclear power plant made things worse.

old:
I will never forget what happened last March; I will stand by them any
way I can. When I grow up and the time comes that I can, I ll do my
best to be a big help to those having a hard time in their lives.
new:
I will never forget what happened last March. When I grow up and the time comes,
I will stand by them any way I can to help those who are suffering.

sayo